So I haven't written in a week. I have been busy working, working out, and parenting two little hellions who have had an interesting first week and a half back to school...(I already have a parent teacher conference tomorrow morning for my darling "I don't want to sit still, stop chatting with friends, or stop slipping off to play with the soap dispensers in the girls bathroom" 5 year old daughter. But I digress...
Training this week has been hard, I think it's been more of a mental challenge than anything else. I have always been my own worst enemy when it comes to training; my mind creates a knot of anxiety and apprehension that deteriorates my confidence and ultimately reduces my performance. Here is a quick rundown of how nerves or lack of confidence busted a workout:
-- 1 mile run at the end of a CrossFit WOD. Well, I was able to pull a 7:24 out of the air but I was nervous the whole time. Nervous! Who gets nervous when they run?? Human beings were designed to run, it's one of the most primitive forms of exercise! I felt my nervous legs, slightly shaking underneath me, begging me to stop. I was running with Mark, (for those of you who don't know Mark he is one of the trainers at CrossFit Inception, and he was born to run.) He was moving like a runner should, tall and efficient, I was huffing and puffing so hard it could have passed for hyperventilation. When I got finished I didn't know if I needed an inhaler or a Zanex...
Let me remind everyone... This was a ONE MILE run. Really? Did I need to get myself that worked up? Probably not...
--Most of the lifts this week... Whether it be snatches, cleans, push presses, or sumo deadlift high-pulls... I am pretty sure I make them look all the same. Each are supposed to be done with a precise technique to maintain the integrity of the exercise and the muscle groups they are supposed to utilize... I am pretty sure the word "maniac" was used when describing how I look while doing most of them. Generally speaking, when I have to tell someone what lift I am performing it is a dead giveaway that I am doing it wrong. My memory has always been a little weak... Why would my muscle memory be any different?!? I have gotten frustrated and convinced that my body is revolting against me, where are my muscles and coordination??! .. And why won't they join me for a 6 am workout every now and then!!
--Finally, box jumps. I don't really mind box jumps so I was excited today to see how high I could jump. As the height of the jump kept increasing that knot in my mind started pulsating... The first time I missed I stopped trying. My mind told my body I couldn't do it and it was over.... Communist China has less of a hold over there citizens than my mind has over me.
In light of my recent whiny and negative workouts I am declaring a change in attitude... I ran across a really great quote the other day by George Sheehan who wrote Running to Win in 1992, he said: "Of all the lessons sports teaches us about life, perhaps none is more dramatic than the danger of focusing on the outcome." Good stuff. I have wasted a good portion of my workouts wondering what will happen if I fall short, finish last, or take too long. I am so worried about looking stupid, being embarrassed, or not measuring up to some arbitrary standard that I sabotage my success. I focus on what the outcome may or may not be rather than focusing on the moment... perhaps my biggest training handicap so far.
So, change of plans. I am going to make a conscious effort to squash the revolt against success that happens in my mind every time I train... While I don't know exactly how to do this I am pretty sure I can figure it out... Look at me, already being positive!
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